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The Power of One!

I recently watched this TED talk and I was amazed by this young man's courage, creativity, and ingenuity. I decided to dedicate a blog post to this remarkable young man.

Ten Valuable Lessons I learned from Richard Turere.

1.     Even if you are just a young boy, you can negotiate with dangerous lions.

2.    Be very creative and courageous in seeking solutions to difficult problems.

3.    Don't expect lions to change or compromise. You must find a solution that works.

4.    Be curious. Experiment. Keep trying. See what works. Make it work better.

5.    Be patient. Don't ever give up. You never know what will solve the problem.

6.    Be well prepared when you negotiate with lions. They are hungry.

7.    The best solution is often simple, surprising, and incredibly clever.

8.    Be a peacemaker. The best solution protects your cattle and won’t hurt the lions.

9.    Once you find the solution, share it with others who must deal with lions.

10. Dream big dreams. One day you will pilot the plane that flies over your house.

We can learn so much from children. They are full of wonder, endless creativity and imagination.

 They inspire greatness in all of us.

Don't Communicate like a Chicken!

I believe that communication can change the world, even if it is just one conversation at a time.

Communication can build relationships, heal communities, mend fences, repair broken hearts, lift souls, alleviate pain and suffering, rebuild, restore, improve and renew peoples, communities, culture and nations.

Unfortunately, it can also be as equally destructive and hurtful. It can tear families apart, damage others, shatter lives, sabotage relationships, erase identities, crush souls, and destroy communities, cultures, and nations.

It is that powerful


and 


that is why I care about it so much.




The problem is that often we don't work hard enough on our communication. We take it for granted or focus on other things or we are rude and disrespectful when we communicate. We are like the chicken in the picture book, Interrupting Chicken.

Sometimes the problem is that we are busy trying to fix the other person in the relationship. We think we are being helpful but we are not. We spend to much time criticizing the other person. Does this sound familiar, "If only, you would stop doing this..." or "You need to do this better..." This style of communication is counterproductive. It is belittling and destructive to the relationship.

There are better ways to communicate!

Five Ways to Improve our Communication:

1. Reciprocity: Communicate unto others the way in which you would like them to communicate unto you. Do you really want someone telling you all of your faults all of the time? Wouldn't you rather have someone appreciate you, care about you, love you?

2. Ask yourself what you really want--really! If we are honest, we usually want to be "right!" --at whatever cost. This is not useful. Most of us have a lot of pride and ego involved in our communication. However, the cost of being "right" is too high! What most of us really want most of the time is: love, kindness, happiness, and a healthy relationship--our communication needs to facilitate these things not hinder them! Don't be a "right fighter." Being right usually equals being alone and sad.

3. Remember the power of reframing! If a conversation is not going the right way (anger, tears, relationship destruction), try something new! Anything new! You have the power to change the course of a conversation from negative to positive! You really do! I promise!

4. Fight for a healthy relationship! Don't give in. Don't fall into apathy and indifference. Laziness in communication threatens relationships.

5. Imagine a better way! Use visualization techniques to improve your communication and then try it. Also, ask your partner to imagine a better way (sincerely with an open mind) and then talk about it! Don't be afraid to talk about communication. This is a focus on meta-communication and an effort to make improvements.

These strategies can help us improve our communication.

It is within our reach.

Culture and Picture Books

“A nation’s culture resides in the hearts and in the souls of its people." --Ghandi 

What is culture exactly?

"Culture is the learned, shared symbols, language, values, and norms that distinguish one group of people from another"--K. Floyd, Communication Scholar.

Culture is learned. Our culture is more about who raises us, where we grow up, our friends, our media, our schools, and so forth, rather than our DNA. 

We live in a beautiful multicultural world. This enriches our lives by offering us more breadth and depth of possible life experiences. 

There are four major components of culture:

i. Symbols: something that represents an idea.

ii. Language: researchers believe that there are about 6,800 languages used in the world. Language allows us for written and speech communication. It passes culture from one generation to the next.  Many languages are in danger of extinction. 

iii. Values: the standards a culture uses to judge how good, desirable, or beautiful something is. 

iv. Norms: rules and expectations that guide people’s behavior.

These four components of culture help structure it but the people are the actual essence and aesthetic of a culture. 

Unfortunately, in the world of picture books our beautiful multicultural world isn't represented very well. 

There are some organizations like First Book.org who are working to fix this. I support their efforts! 

I hope to read many more books that do a better job at representing our beautiful and diverse world. 

What Makes a Picture Book Great?

There are three touchstones that need to be considered while evaluating a literary work:

Universality

Individuality

and

Suggestion.

1. Universality does not mean that everyone will love the book. It means that the idea expressed by the text  touches on a common human experience. The book will provide the reader with an emotional response that (s)he have all felt at one time or another: love or hate, hope or fear, joy or despair, confronting death or reclaiming life. It is what William Faulkner  called "the human heart in conflict with itself." When you are confronted with universality you will bring your unique life experiences to the emotion to make sense of it.

2. Individuality is the writer's fresh approach to the universal subject (mentioned above). It is a writer's ability to create a new twist on an old theme. This can happen with word placement, illustrations, and/or other methods of organization. To really master this touchstone, you need to be well-read. Once you have read many books you can begin to judge whether or not a book has a new angle. 

3. Suggestion is considered the most "subtlest and most rewarding writing." I love this concept because it is basically like giving the reader homework. The reader finishes the book with something left to do. We can inhabit the work. This does not mean that the writing is ambiguous and we therefore have to finish the story. It actually means that the author gives us the gift of placing references, pictures and words in the story that allow us to add to the story. The author gives us signals and our imagination follows. Once we begin to realize relevant associations the book grows in meaning and emotional impact. 

These three touchstones are related. They work together to create balance and symbiosis. Interestingly, they do not have to be present in equal weight throughout the literary work but they each have to be present. This is what makes a strong story. Also, illustrations can do a lot of the work to build on these touchstones. It is not all about the writing. 

Think about one of your favorite books and how it incorporates the three touchstones of Universality, Individuality, and Suggestion. 

Here is an example of one of my favorite picture books with some analysis added. 

Case Study:

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Willems

This book is about a pigeon who wants to drive a bus (kind of obvious from the title). I think it is really about negotiation. The story evokes the universal human emotion of really wanting something badly, even if it is probably a bad idea. Pigeon uses every strategy: bartering, begging, manipulating, passive-aggression, extreme anger and so forth. We can relate to this idea of using every kind of negotiation strategy to try and get what we really want. On the other side of the negotiation, we can relate to the feeling of having to say no repeatedly, even when the pigeon is so adorable!

From an individuality perspective, the concept of a story about a pigeon wanting to drive a bus and having to get permission from the reader is a fresh approach. The imagination of Mo Willems as he takes us through this negotiation is huge. The illustrations bring the emotions to life. 

Finally, Willems leaves us with the power of suggestion by having a semi-truck drive up to Pigeon on the last pages. He is obviously getting a new idea. The reader is left filling in the blanks about what is going to happen next. 

This book hits on all of the necessary touchstones to make it great. It is an excellent teaching tool as well as blast to read!

And if you love it (like me) you should definitely read: Pigeon wants a Puppy! Imagine that!!!

Equity in Relationships is Key!

In interpersonal communication there is a theory called Equity Theory that explains relational satisfaction in terms of fair and unfair distribution of resources within relationships. 

In a healthy relationship there are always ebbs and flows.

This means that at times I will give more to my partner and receive less and vice-versa. This can be manifested in all kinds of emotional and physical types of treatment. The equity can swing back and forth but it has to find balance eventually for a relationship to be healthy.

When one side of a relationship is doing all of the giving and the other side is doing all of the taking, this results in an inequitable relationship, which leads to relationship erosion. Think about this teeter-totter being stuck like this. This would not be any fun. 

You might assume that it would actually be better to receive more of the benefits from the relationship. The problem is that after a while you begin to feel guilty and unbalanced in the relationship. This leads to problems in the relationship. In the reverse, if you feel like you are doing most of the sacrificing in the relationship you might assume that this will help build a better relationship. In reality, you are overburdened and you will develop feelings of resentment toward your relationship and partner.

 In order to keep a good balance, communication and effort are key. You can talk about your awareness of inequity in your relationship. You can ask for change which will lead to more balance. If someone is doing most of the giving, for example, make sure to acknowledge it and work toward balance (i.e., giving your partner a night off or a weekend :) It is important to remember that your relationship is not always going to be equitable--ebbs and flows are natural. But fairness is critical! 

John Stacey Adams, a workplace and behavioral psychologist, was the first to develop this theory in 1963. His research focused on employee satisfaction. He argued that employees seek to maintain equity between the inputs that they bring to a job and the outcomes that the receive from it against the perceived inputs and outcomes of others (Adams, 1965). The belief is that people value fair treatment which causes them to be motivated to keep the fairness maintained within the relationships of their co-workers and the organization.  

Just like in the workplace, in relationships people value fair treatment which will lead to motivation to keep fairness maintained within the relationship. 

There is a picture book called, "This plus That," by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. It is about life's little equations. Some of her equations are: 

Blaming + eye rolling (doesn't equal) sincere apology
"I'm sorry" + hug = sincere apology

Good days + Bad Days = Real Life
Once upon a time + Happily Ever After = Pretend

What we learn from this is that good days and bad days are part of real life! Also, sincere apologies can help. One way we to have more good days is by working toward equity in our relationships. 

It will benefit everybody! 

Multiple Intelligences: making the world more vibrant!

I recently saw a piano performance of a left-hand only concerto by Ravel at Abravanel Hall. I was amazed at the pianists and composers ability to play/compose such an amazing piece of music only using one hand on the piano. 

I thought about how the world is so blessed with people with many amazing and different talents and intelligences! What I like to remember is that we do not have all the same kinds of intelligence and that is okay because it makes the world more vibrant and interesting. 

In fact, there are exactly 7 kinds of intelligence, according to Howard Gardner the Hobbs Professor of Cognition and Education at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. In his book (1983), Frames of Mind: the theory of multiple intelligences, Hobbs outlines the 7 kinds of intelligences:

1. Linguistic intelligence involves sensitivity to spoken and written language, the ability to learn languages, and the capacity to use language to accomplish certain goals. 

2. Logical-Mathematical intelligence involves the capacity to analyze problems logically, carry out mathematical operations, and investigate issues scientifically. 

3. Musical intelligence involves skill in the performance, composition, and appreciation of musical patterns. 

4. Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence involves the use of one's whole body or parts of the body to solve problems. It is the ability to use mental abilities to coordinate bodily movements.

5. Spatial intelligence involves the potential to recognize and use the patterns of wide space and more confined areas.

6. Interpersonal intelligence involves the ability to understand intentions, motivations, and desires of other people.

7. Intrapersonal intelligence involves the ability to understand ourselves, appreciate our own feelings, fears, and motivations. 

You can have more than one "multiple intelligence." Each of the intelligences are useful in communication. You can also cultivate other kinds of intelligences that can make you more well-rounded. 

Dr. Martin Luther King jr. is an example of a person with incredible "linguistic" intelligence. There is a wonderful picture book which illustrates his ability. The book is called, "Martin's Big Words." This book is a Caldecott Honor Winner, Coretta Scott King Honor Award winner and a winner of The New York Times Book Review, "Best Illustrated Children's Book" award. It is a wonderful book that shows the power of words and Dr. King's linguistic intelligence which made such a positive change in the world. As a child he said about his father's sermon, "When I grow up, I'm going to get big words, too." He certainly did!